As an advocate of the LGBTQ2S community to end intolerance, bring acceptance and fight for social change in an often harsh and discriminating society, I was compelled to reach out to share this story. Tanesh’s words resonate with me, and is core to why Work MY Mojo is working hard for society to accept all people as they truly are.
Tanesh Watson Nutall is a member of Facebook Transgender is Normal group, and gave me permission to re-share a post she shared (author unknown) about how community was central to the pain and struggle she encountered through coming to love herself as she is.
Tanesh shared a story that is so raw and real. It is uplifting and inspiring to those who are questioning their sexuality, and their own struggle being who they are born to be. I hope re-sharing her post resonates with you as well.
Recently someone said that gay Christians are the worst and they could be delivered if they wanted it "bad enough". You have absolutely positively NO IDEA how hard it is to be a little boy or girl in the black church hating yourself because you have feelings that you can't explain but are told are evil. You can't tell me I didn't want it bad enough because you weren't there the countless Sundays I went into the prayer lines and had to repeatedly go thru the embarrassment of telling the altar workers I had the 'spirit of homosexuality' when I hadn't even had sex yet. You weren't there when I was constantly being bombarded with questions of who I was 'touched' by and who raped me when in fact no one had done either. You weren't there when I was the brunt of everybody's jokes about never having a girlfriend when the very ones laughing had girlfriends and boyfriends & I couldn't say a thing. You weren't there when I was being surrounded by the saints 'casting the devil' out of me & physically responding as if I had truly been possessed, all the while not knowing whether it was a real demon or me just acting out what I thought was the norm in those instances. You weren't there when I was screaming, crying and purging, thinking that this evil demonic entity was living in me and caused me to be something that God Himself hated. You weren't there when I was laying on the floor of the tarry room begging God to make me straight because I loved Him and didn't want to die & go to Hell. You weren't there when they told me just to marry and have kids & the Lord honor it when we all knew He wouldn't. You weren't there when I'd go to church, sing and shout but go home & attempt suicide because I figured I was hell bound anyway so why waste time if He already doomed me. You weren't there when I went through all of the years and years of failed attempts only to be told 'I didn't want it bad enough'. You have no idea how bad I wanted it. You have no clue... Most of my counterparts decided to just marry, have kids and sleep around on the low which is the unspoken acceptable way of being 'delivered' but I thought God wouldn't honor that either. It has taken me years to get a grip on it all, truth be told I still have doubts some days and revert back to the little boy at the altar asking God to 'fix me' but I said all of that to say this. The "struggle" of 'homosexuality never had anything to do with how 'I' personally felt but had everything to do with how ugly and disgusting the church made me feel. It had little to do with wanting to be saved but moreso to be embraced and accepted by the church that for whatever reason I loved to my core even though I wasn't sure truly loved me back.
Be very careful with your assumptions, some things are deeper than you think…